Thursday, May 15, 2008

Another Step Closer...???

Well, I completed all of the blood tests I was supposed to have done (to check my hormone levels) a couple of weeks ago and finally got the results back yesterday. There's good news and bad news. The good news is that they found out what's wrong with me. The bad news is THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME....and when there's something wrong, you have to treat it. BLAH! BUT, treating it could mean that I have a safe and possibly even non-eventful pregnancy, so I should ultimately be thankful, right? What were the results, you ask? ;o) Well, my progesterone levels start off really good--nice and high, but then instead of staying high, they take a nosedive....which could explain why I can get pregnant, but have such a hard time staying pregnant. That's all well and good, but it means I have to start cooperative hormone replacement therapy right away during the post peak phase of my cycle. A compound pharmacist is mailing a prescription to me as we speak for three months of bio-identical progesterone supplements (300 whopping milligrams administered the fun way, if you know what I mean). I'm a little nervous about that, but it's all for the greater good, right? Next, Dr. Collins asked if she could take sole charge over my thyroid issues and told me I needed a higher dose of Synthroid than my other doc originally prescribed. This scares me a little more since my thyroid has been known to fluctuate between hypo and normal. I don't want to take something to speed up my thyroid production and then send myself too far the other direction (especially considering the trouble it can cause with my heart). The drug therapy can cause lots of scary side effects and at this point, I am just wishing all of this would just go away--POOF!-Disappear into oblivion. I want to curl up in a ball in the back of my closet, and forget about big decisions and responsibilities and medications I have been avoiding for years that are now sneaking back to haunt me. It feels so overwhelming right now...especially since it's all pushing me towards being pregnant again (and SOON). I know I can always change my mind at the last minute, but I am so TIRED of running away, you know? I am tired of being afraid, I am so exhausted from planning to have another baby and then chickening out over and over, leaving me where I do not want to be: worried and with only one baby (who is getting older every day and begging me for a sibling) Please say prayers for me and for this entire situation. I can use all I can get right now :o( I can see that little baby that is supposed to be mine, but I have no idea how it's going to get here.....

11 comments:

Photog-Mama said...

I will keep you and the fam in my prayers.

When I was sick, it's almost like The Skinny Bean Pole was in me, but didn't really exist. Like a goldfish with no certainty. Some people would say "what are you worried about." DUH - consider what was wrong with me and the answer is obvious. But the ones saying that were stuparted anyway.

I knew she was there and I knew she was mine but it never really hit me until I saw her go by and wasn't able to see her again until the next day. At that moment, I knew it was ok.

No matter what happens, there is a purpose...be strong!

Mandy said...

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Keep us posted!

Sharon said...

which could explain why I can get pregnant, but have such a hard time staying pregnant.

Wait...have you lost a baby?! Did I totally miss something here?! I thought Landon was your only pregnancy so far. (not to sound invasive here)

Prayers for sure. Did Dr. Collins explain how the thyroid situation could affect your pregnancy? Just curious.

Crystal said...

Wow, Jen, I didn't realize how many health problems you have been dealing with. You are in our prayers, not only for your health issues, but for your anxiety too. It sounds like you have a great doctor too! Thats good news, and now they know what to do to help you. Can't wait to hear how the meds help and that you and Andy are pregnant again!

Jennifer said...

Thank all of you so much for the comments--and of course for the prayers. I really appreciate it. Sharon--Everything as far as miscarriages is just speculative b/c of my previous doctors' methods and b/c of how fast everything happened when it did. They think that Landon was a twin, so not only did I supposedly lose a baby, I also had a hard time keeping Landon in. Then, last August, they think I had a chemical pregnancy which is pretty much a very early miscarriage. The new doc said that the problem I have causes exactly the reaction my body has been having. The thyroid also causes similar problems. The thyroid basically controls a little of everything in your body so when it screws up, there can be any number of things messing up. Dr. Collins told me that everything that happened with Landon could be attributed to the progesterone deficiency and the thyroid issue--I thought I'd be happy to hear this, but I'm not. :o(

Andrea said...

I am always keeping you in my prayers. I honestly can't imagine and I wish I could do something - I hate feeling helpless when friends are going through issues. *hugs* Love you all.

Jennifer said...

I feel soooo guilty complaining about my trivial problems when so many of my friends and family members are suffering/have suffered so much more than me. Here I am with one full term pregnancy behind me and one healthy child to show for it and I'm the one complaining among people I love who have suffered the loss of their children, multiple late miscarriages, still births and/or the inability to even get pregnant in the first place. I have so much to be thankful for and believe me, I AM!! I didn't mean to sound like I think I have it so bad...I am just scared of what's ahead and I feel a little out of control, you know? Thank you all again for your advice and prayers. I will update soon :o)

Andrea said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with writing what you wrote and feeling the way you do. Everyone has different situations, some may seem worse than others. This is hard for you and I'm glad you shared how you're feeling. Don't feel guilty. love you.

Sharon said...

Hey, if you can't write your own feelings down on your OWN blog, then where?
And what type of friends would we be if we didn't listen?

No need to apologize. There's nothing trivial here, imo. I remember seeing you on bedrest when pregnant w/ Landon. The monitors every hour...shoot, I'd be nervous, too!

I hope the meds help and you feel more in control soon. At least you know you're in good hands w/ Dr. Collins.

Aunt Jess said...

aw, jen! my thoughts & preyers are most definately with you!!! hopefully we'll get together to talk soon. you know you have a stong friend & family base that's always here for you.

Photog-Mama said...

Don't apologize. You are entitled to your opinions and feelings and you are allowed to express them. That is what we are here for, to listen and vent with you! No matter who has been through what, and no matter how much better or worse anyone's situation is, we all still have things in our lives that we need to get out.

Talk away, girl!