For those of my readers who are married (ESPECIALLY if you have children): Do you and your spouse go out for dates regularly? If so, what kind of things do you do together? Do you hire baby-sitters or leave the kid(s) with relatives? Do you think going out for dates is important for a healthy relationship or that spending time alone on a regular basis is underrated? And finally, is money a factor for you in this issue?
Just wondering!
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- Jennifer
- I am 28 years old. I've been married to Andy for five years and we have a son who will be four in May.
11 comments:
Yes, we go on dates. My MIL "gave" us one date per week for a year as an anniversary gift. And she gives us that gift every year. :) We are extremely fortunate to have both sets of parents in town. We do have a 16 yr. old we use, too, because sometimes schedules just conflict. The town we live in is on the small side and we all know just about the same people. So, sometimes I have to use this girl. She is awesome. I actually used to babysit her. That ages you quickly! Going on dates is EXTREMELY important. It is so hard to converse with your spouse when you little ones are so demanding of your attention. Time needs to be set aside to nurture your relationship. What great questions!! I am steal them!! :)
Do you think going out for dates is important for a healthy relationship
Most definitely.
I like the saying, shoot, can't remember it exactly. It's basically the best thing you can do for your kids is sped time alone, just you and your spouse. It improves YOUR relationship, which in turn benefits the whole family.
When we lived in MI we went out not regularly, but frequently enough. There we had family available, though, and we don't here. We don't get out much now, but that's also because Patrick is working 2 jobs, going to grad school, and money.
Living w/ family around, I'd try to get out at least 1-2 times a month on a date.
We usually go for a walk downtown, go for coffee, or go to a movie. Sometimes we hit Borders or Barnes & Noble, browsing stuff. Cheap dates don't matter as long as you're together. ;)
Try not to feel guilty if you get out alone. I firmly believe we become better parents when we get in some just mommy-daddy time.
oh my goodness girl!! YES dates are super important, YES money is ALWAYS an issue. I want to go somewhere that we can't take BellaRose and b/c we don't eat out that much it is nice to go somewhere nice, Worth does not always see it that way, but we usually do go somewhere nice after a "discussion". We never have gotten a babysitter but always leave her with family. I am very thankful to have a sister in law who always wants her! Dates and private time are really important b.c the marriage comes first. There are my thoughts :)
We don't go out regularly, although I would really like for us too. When we do, its usually dinner and/or movie. We've gone bowling, or just hung out here without the boys around. We always have family babysit for us, either Jason's 12yr old sister at our house (his 'rents are across the street for emergency), his parents or my parents. Never hired someone we don't know or that isnt a relative. Only time a friend babysat was when we lived in MD still and went out like twice or for drs appts. I think it can be important to spend time with your spouse without your kids around, just to have adult conversation and no distractions for an hour or two. Time alone is nice too, just to rejuvenate and come back better equipped to deal with everyday stresses. Money can be a factor, but we try and find inexpensive date nights. Since its not very often though, sometimes we splurge on somewhere we would not usually go.
Do we think alike or what? I've been pondering over this question for awhile now actually. We do not go on regular dates, actually I can't even remember the last date we were on that it was just us. Occasionally we'll leave Landen with family but with them so far it's hard. I still don't feel comfortable leaving Amelia, but she is a year now. I have real trust issues and don't know anyone I would really leave my children with unless I was there around here. I think it is important though and we try to stay up and watch a movie together when the kids go to sleep once in awhile. I think it's good for a healthy marriage, but it's hard when you're away from family and you don't want just anyone to watch your children, or when they're real little and require a boob. =) Hugs I'm off to swim.
i know you have family all over the place that are likely as obsessed over landon as i am...BUT you know that i will watch that little guy ANY time you need me to, right?
I know that its important--When I used to be a nanny, I would always encourage the parents to get out once a week and I went on and on about how important it was. Guess who can't remember the last time she and her husband went out on a "real" date??? MEEEEEEEE! I think it was sometime around our second anniversary!!! (Read--We're having our fifth anniversary in November!!!) I know, I know, its ridiculous! The first and biggest problem we have faced is that Andy works long hours and he never gets to spend time with Landon. And by the time he gets home on some nights, there's barely enough time for dinner and the bedtime routine, let alone going out somewhere! I know that's fixable and all, but we also have the babysitter issue. We have left Landon plenty of times with family (to run errands and go to NFP meetings, etc--does that count as a date? Doesn't feel like it!), but they don't really LIKE to babysit him and are always calling me within an hour to see where we are and when we'll be back. I know I can talk SOMEONE in my family to watch him, but its not my ideal situation. He has been fed food he's been allergic to, which freaks me out and usually someone will be watching something L isn't allowed to watch on tv....Its a big deal to us, even though maybe it shouldn't be. Recently, we have become friends with a wonderful family who has a daughter (about to go away to college) who wants to babysit for us!! She is the second oldest of 7 kids--quiet, sweet, studious--PERFECT! I am loving the idea that, if we can work it out before she goes away to school, Landon could have a babysitter who PLAYS with him--who is paid to be there to spend time with just him, making date nights fun.
Last little bit: We ALWAYS take time to go out as a family, just the three of us...to the park, library, book store, zoo, you name it--It has a similar effect to a "real" date night and we all benefit from it...so at least we have that.
I am the anonymous poster there above...sorry about not putting my name. It seems that I did not have enough coffee at the time of posting. :)
Do you remember Lindsay Foley? My mom watched her when she was little?
She babysits now, and she even watched Jack for Sue. I recommend her! :) If we lived there, I'd feel super comfortable w/ her.
Especially knowing L would be in his own house where you set the rules, etc. Plus it's so much easier w/ only one kid to watch.
If not, I say blackmail Nancy!! ha ha
Ha! i was just going to tell you about Lidsey Foley but sharon beat me to it! She is so great & like family, I am so blessed to know her & I trust her with everything. She is sitting for us twice this month but it's not for dates :( I have to work but I will be w/ jeff some of the time though. Dates are very important-you have to have time away from your kids-it benefits all in the family I believe! You & Andy were in love before you had Landon. I'd love to watch Landon! I promise Jack would be nice!!!
I do believe that time alone together is very important, but I don't think you have to necessarily go OUT in order to get that time with each other. We almost never go out of the house just the 2 of us. Jack was VERY sensitive to any separation from me up until recently, and Sophie is going through that now. Plus I just refused to leave them as babies when I was bf-ing on demand and all. We are very lucky to have family who are willing to watch them for us, but I don't feel completely comfortable for some of the reasons you mentioned...I'm not sure our "rules" would be followed! But the kids are asleep every night by 9pm, so after 9 is our time to spend together. Most nights we make a snack and cuddle on the couch and watch a movie or tv, talk about our day, make plans for the weekend, etc. We stay up till almost midnight most nights so that's a good 3 hour "us time" every single night! Of course, there are nights that we just want to have some time alone to do our own things, but most of the time it's a combination of time spent together and time spent alone. And it has done wonders for our relationship. Sure it would be fun to actually go out someplace together, but we realize that this time with young children will pass quickly and there will be plenty of time to go out on real dates soon enough! Great topic!
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