I can't relax today because I know I have to go to traffic court tomorrow for not one, but TWO traffic violations--BLAH! A couple of weeks ago, I was driving to the zoo and went through a speed trap (unknowingly speeding in a school zone...) going forty mph in a TWENTY-FIVE mph zone! I was handing apple chips to Landon in the back seat one at a time and had missed the sign that said during such and such hours, the speed limit changes to 25 (try going 25 mph on a four lane main road some time...just try). Soooooo, I'm speeding and get pulled over (at least everyone else was getting pulled over, too--heh heh heh!--The traffic was pretty bad at the time). After the officer asked me "Do you know how fast you were going?", I remembered that I had lost my license a couple of days before. Crap. I also couldn't find where Andy keeps the insurance information, so I was batting a thousand with the impatient cop, as you can imagine. I vaguely remembered seeing my license under my seat at some point in time, so I began digging and digging--swearing to the officer it was in the car. He watched me dig for about ten or fifteen minutes (just staring holes in my back). I did finally find my license (ha HA!) and held it up triumphantly to him. (He looked really surprised, like he had been so sure I had been lying--mmmuwwaa ha ha ha ha ha--Hey, c'mon now, it's the little things. Let me have my moment.) Anyways, it gets worse still. The cop also told me that my tags had expired (!!!) and I wanted to choke Andy's little neck (he's sooo bad about this type of thing). I was driving his car for which he forgot to pay this year's taxes (of course I didn't check this before hopping in to drive it), I couldn't find anything the cop asked for, and the entire time I was sitting there in the church parking lot, wondering if I was going to be sent to the pokey, Landon was getting restless in the backseat, asking me if I was Herbie (The love bug. Because I was going too fast. Nevermind.) I got two tickets--one for the speeding and one for the expired tags. He didn't charge me for not having proof of insurance (Andy had found it in his wallet and driven it to me, but the cop was all pissy and wouldn't even look at it). I was so humiliated, you have no idea!
The next day, on the way to the grocery store, we were in the same car (I was driving again, dang it!), and I got pulled over for the tags AGAIN! (My luck.) I showed the sweet little cop that I had just gotten pulled over for the same thing and that I couldn't pay taxes til Monday since it was the weekend. She looked at the ticket and said the previous cop had written out the ticket wrong (???!!) and that she was sorry, but she'd have to give me another ticket and another court date. Right. Of course. Tomorrow afternoon, I have to go to my first court date to try to get the fines reduced (something my cheapskate husband definitely won't let me out of, no matter how much I beg or plead). I have always HATED getting in trouble. It's so embarassing to stand there in court and be like, "Duuuuhh, Ah wuz speedin' and ah didn't pay no taxes, duuuuhhhh!" I feel so stupid and I already know what the judge is going to do. He's going to first check my record and see that I have another court date in a couple of weeks for another ticket. Then he's going to mess with me a little, treating me like I'm an sassy law breaker and rolling his eyes if I try to explain myself (they see this all day, after all). Then, after torturing me, he's going to reduce my fines and add court costs, bringing the total almost back to what it was (making me wish once again, I'd stayed at home). *sigh* Oh well, maybe I'll see some interesting cases while I sit there for half of the day. Last time I was in traffic court, there were two little old ladies fighting over a bush between their yards (they had been spraying each other with a high pressure garden hose and one had gotten hurt). There were also two men who had been fighting over a crack rock (they had been taking turns hitting each other with a baseball bat to see who would last the longest. You guessed it...winner takes crack rock). Welcome to the South. If something like that happens before I have to take the stand, I might be in better shape--ha ha ha! Wish me luck--(CLEARLY, I'll need it! ;o)PS) If you're a police officer, pulling someone over for speeding, act at least a little human (especially if there's a kid in the car). My son used to love cops, but now he thinks they're "bad" thanks to the first one that pulled me over. :o(
